I'll meet you on the other side (of grief)

Grief, ugh, what is it good for...

I remember visiting a Catholic church 2 years ago and talking to a woman about the grief I felt over getting divorced.  She shared that she had been through divorce years previously.  She said that, for her, God disappeared during the divorce and that God was waiting for her on the other side.  My interpretation on her wise words is that things will get better even though we cannot see that when we are inside the storm of grief.  I shared that story because there is some truth in it.  I am exiting the eye of the divorce, grief storm.  My life isn't perfect but I feel significantly happier and more stable than I did during the separation and divorce process.  It's been one year since our divorce was final.

The question that you may be asking yourself is, "Did Colin find God on the other side?"  I found something, although I'm not sure that I would call it God.  I experience more moments of joy and simply feeling okay.  I don't experience high levels of anxiety on a daily basis.  I feel lonely at times but I don't feel like I'm completely separate from the rest of the world.  Overall, I am glad to be alive.  I enjoy listening to music again.  Food tastes pretty good.  In a way, it's slightly like being in love, without being in love.

If grief is a healing and acceptance process then it seems natural, and rather unpleasant.  My image of God  as an all powerful, loving being took a few more stakes to the heart as I experience severe grief.  If God is supposed to be my best friend then he or she failed me miserably.  Grief, spirit and God seem to be connected somehow.  I haven't figured out how.  For now, I want to swim in the pool that is devoid of grief.

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